★5 Am rant about depression

I can't help but be sad all the time. Well, not all the time. Sometimes I think I'm ok, but it always comes back. And it's more than just sadness. It's this oppressive gray void with no doors or windows, and I think it is easier just to let it take me. 

I think I'm depressed, and I think I've been like this for six years. No one knows; I try not to show it. 

I told my mom once I wanted to kill myself. She didn't do anything about it; it was like she forgot. That was three years ago.

It's my second semester of college, and I'm 20, 21 in March. It took me two extra years to finish high school, partly because of my learning disabilities and because I didn't give a fuck. I was homeschooled and hated it. I had to watch my few friends graduate and move on with their lives. That's when I cut people off. I didn't feel like they really cared for me. And it would be easier for me to let them go. It hurt really bad. Only two talked to me on their own without me Initializing the conversation. 

My life feels dead, which probably bums you out; sorry. I'll be adding more, but it's five Am, and I have a nine am Zoom class in the morning.

PS- I’m dyslexic